head games

A couple weeks ago, I had a deal on my plate that honestly wasn’t that complicated. It should’ve been normal. Routine. But for whatever reason, it got in my head. Like… rent-free, keeping me up at night, checking my email way too often, overthinking every single thing I said.

It wasn’t even the biggest deal of my quarter. I think it just hit some old nerve — probably the “am I good enough?” one that likes to flare up at the worst possible moments.

Anyway, this prospect went quiet on me for a few days, and instead of acting like a grown adult, I somehow reverted back to my 16-year-old self waiting for a crush to text back.

Refreshing my inbox.

Re-reading the last email.

Drafting responses I didn’t send.

(One of them was so unhinged I had to delete it immediately just in case outlook tried to auto-save and betray me.)

At some point I just got tired of my own nonsense. I shut the laptop, went outside, and let myself be a human for a minute. Got some water. Took a breath. Stared at a tree. You know, grounding things.

And of course — OF COURSE — the second I finally chilled out, the guy emailed me like nothing happened. Just a casual “Hey, sorry for the delay, let’s move forward.”

No drama.

No emergency.

No “OMG I’ve been meaning to get back to you.”

Just… normal.

I’m over here spiraling like a Victorian woman with the vapors for no reason.

That moment made me realize how much of my stress is completely self-inflicted. No big revelation. No inspirational quote. Just… yeah. Sometimes the only person making it weird is me.

So that’s my story.

Just a random Tuesday where I temporarily lost my mind over something that turned out fine.

-J (from Nashville)